Buses are the bane of my existence.

Each morning, a frightening reminder of the morning before, grey in the skies and grey on the ground. Grey buildings and grey cars, are we really going around in circles over and over? It feels like it.

When I get my bus every morning, it's 8:30am. I'm tired, bored, frustrated and confused with my life. I don't care how old, friendly, drunk, bored, interesting, famous or rich you are, don't talk to me.

There are two prams on this bus already ma'am, so either tell your five year old girl so stop being a lazy bitch and get out the pram or walk. Oh, and you with the super-pram, I can see you've just had a pretty little baby, but that will not stop me putting my foot up your ass if you bring that buggy on here again, what does it morph into, Optimus Prime's dog? It's massive and if I have to move one more time, because you spent more money on that buggy than a car, I will take that baby and throw it out the window.

I swear to God, if one more mother-fucking pikey sits next to me and bathes me in their retched pissy body oder I will shoot them down. I honestly will. That goes for chain-smokers that smell like wet ash too. I will have to cut you.

Mr. Bus-driver, I ask you kindly to please stop fucking about. You are wasting my, and my 28 fellow bus mates, time. If you get to the station at 8:45am, I expect you to leave at 8:46am. So can you please not let me on and get off to have a cigarette and a chat with your fellow bus drivers, because I have to be at college at 9:00am, not leaving the bus station at 9:00am. If you arrive at a bus station, driving a bus, in a bus drivers uniform, my general assumption is that you’re a bus driver. Either drive me to college, or it wont be lung cancer you die of.

I hate all of you, every single one of you, that get up and start walking to the front of the bus before the bus has stopped. I swear to God, you know, and I know, and everyone else knows, when the bus stops, and you are stood in the middle of the isle like the dumb-ass you are, you are going to fly forward and look like a dick. So don't fumble around, embarrassed by your near trip, stop. Just stop, or I will put my leg out next time and laugh when you fall. Just wait, like normal people, for the bus to stop.

Oh, and you with the blue rinse perm. It's freezing outside. I have pushed myself to the back of the bus, so that the warmth of the engine can unfreeze my buttocks, and by doing so I am putting others at risk of being hit but my very heavy and very large laptop bag. So if you're hot, sit at the front where the door opens and closes now and then, or take off one of your three hundred layers of clothing. Don't get on, sit in front of me, and open the window. Next time you do this, I will have to shove your baby blue umbrella down your wrinkly old throat.